Nightmare Number Nine
The heart-breaking saga of a 'thrifty' customer.

Scene:  Outside FRED's Wallpaper Haven
Time:  9:50 AM

SHERRY SHORTORDER
(pounding on the glass)  FRED!  Open up!
FRED
(rushing to the door)  Coming!
SHERRY SHORTORDER
This is an emergency!  I've got to have another roll of this wallpaper now!
FRED
Oh, yes.  This is one of our stock papers, isn't it?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Yes, and I don't need but one roll and I need it now!
FRED
Certainly, let me find that bin.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
You see, I've got a house full of guest coming tonight and I've got my living room wall nearly done.  All I need is one more strip and I will be finished.
FRED
(returning)  I'm sorry, but the bin is empty.  We must have sold the rest of that run.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
You can't be out of that run!  I have got to have that run!  (getting hysterical)  You have got to have ONE LOUSEY ROLL of that paper!
FRED
I'm sorry dear, but we just don't have it.  Didn't I recommend that you buy more than you thought you might need when you first came in?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Actually, I thought that was just a sales trick to get me to buy more paper.
FRED
But dear, we always take returns of packaged goods.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Sure! And you charge for re-stocking it.
FRED
Well, a few dollars could have saved you this problem.  Besides, you assured me you had measured the room correctly.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
I did.
FRED
So how did you come up short?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
(mumbling)  I messed up a strip.
FRED
Pardon?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
I said I messed up a strip!
FRED
Just one?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Yes, just one.
FRED
You mean you didn't even allow yourself one extra strip for a margin of error?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Well…
FRED
Thought you'd save a few dollars…
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Well….
FRED
Penny wise…
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Look, FRED, can you get me more of that run?
FRED
I certainly can.  FRED's #2 over in Cross State has plenty of this run.  I can have it here in three days.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Three days!  I've got to have it now!
FRED
I guess you could run over there and get it yourself.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Cross State is eighty miles from here!  I don't have enough time.
FRED
I do have plenty of that paper in another run.  Of course, it won't match your run.  But you could strip your wall and start over.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Start over!  I've got eight rolls of wallpaper on that wall.  All I need is ONE LOUSEY STRIP!  It would double my costs to start over.
FRED
Oops…
SHERRY SHORTORDER
What?
FRED
I just thought of something else.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
(excited)  What FRED, what?
FRED
You can't strip your walls either.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Sure I can.
FRED
No, I remember I tried to sell you some prep coat when you picked up the wallpaper and you said it was a waste of time.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
So?
FRED
You said your latex paint was just fine to hang on.  I remember you would not take my word for it.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
It'll strip.
FRED
No it won't
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Yes it will!
FRED
Without a prep coat dear, your wallpaper paste has probably soaked through the latex paint and bonded to your sheetrock walls.  If you try to strip it, you will need major drywall repair.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
No!
FRED
That will cost you more than a gallon of prep coat.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Oh, God!
FRED
But there is another way…
SHERRY SHORTORDER
Another way?
FRED
You could paint over the wallpaper with a fast drying primer and size over that and then install it all over again in this new run number.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
I can't believe this is happening to me!
FRED
That's what they all say
SHERRY SHORTORDER
FRED, there has got to be something I can do…
FRED
Do you like large bushy plants?
SHERRY SHORTORDER
No.
FRED
It would only be for a day or two.
SHERRY SHORTORDER
If I had just ordered ONE LOUSEY EXTRA ROLL.
FRED
It happens all the time
SHERRY SHORTORDER
My husband is going to kill me.
FRED
Hindsight…
SHERRY SHORTORDER
(leaving)  I might as well start packing.
FRED
(to self) You can lead them to water…

Moral to the Story:
"Too little is more expensive than too much."